Be Still and Know

Last night I had the most wonderful opportunity to go out with a couple of the most wonderful women you will ever meet. We went to see Eat Pray Love. Well, I thought we were just going out for some good laughs, and although there were lots and lots of those, there was something else too. You see, I believe that the Lord can and will use anything He wants to teach us and bring us closer to Him. That was how He used the almost total stranger the other night and I believe that that is how He used our adventures last night as well. Before the movie we went to a restaurant just to spend some time chatting. One of my dear friends opened up about what an awful week she'd had and how much she really needed some time with us. We sat and talked and cried together and laughed our faces off too. In that moment I realized, this is what the Lord means by fellowship... He wants us to enjoy the presence of each other. He wants us to just sit together and open up our hearts to one another. We don't always have to be in deep theological conversation or all "Sister Spiritual". We can just sit and talk about our day, letting the tears and laughter flow, helping one another by just being there.
So, we get to the movie theatre, still giggling like crazy and the movie begins. Immediately, I connected with the movie. It was like the Lord was showing me my life. In the beginning Julia Robert's character says something like "I had participated in creating every single moment of my life, and yet I'm not really in it." I thought, "Okay, Lord. I am finally listening." For the next two and a half hours I watched as my life unfolded on the screen. Well, I've never been to Bali or Rome or any other fabulous country; but I have been on a quest to find out how exactly I made it to this point. Passionless, hopeless, wanting something to just take my breath away and wanting learn how to marvel at anything and everything the Lord has created. 
(Now many of you may say, "Amy, the last few months have been hard, so cut yourself some slack..." Friends, I have been this way for a very long time. I am just very good at hiding it.) All this time, I have just accepted that this is just how life is, and I have lived it accordingly. Since the Ike's passing though, I have realized that living this way is no longer an option.
Anyhow, back to the movie... As this woman goes on about her journey, I see each wrong turn I have taken. Each time I have allowed what was just mediocre to be acceptable. How I have sacrificed what may be something that brings joy and laughter to my life for the familiar that is keeping me stifled. So many times, I refused what the Lord was trying to give me out of the fear of the unknown. I have lived life on others' terms, always looking for the next thing to prove that I am worthy... But, I have never just been still. I have never just been quiet. I have never just given myself the opportunity to be Amy. More importantly, I have never given the Lord the opportunity to just be Him. I have never just worshipped Him for who He is and how much He loves me. I realize that now. I have mistaken ambition and constantly moving forward for doing His work. But the word says, "Be STILL and KNOW that I AM God." Everything else must stem from that.
I am not sure if any of this makes sense, and I realize I may be rambling, but as I've said before, there ya have it...